Family law proceedings are never easy, but these four tips can help you navigate the family law process as quickly, amicably, and easily as possible:
1. Know and understand the law and the facts the Court will consider.
Family law in Colorado, at least where children are involved, is largely driven by the “best interest of the child” standard. The best interest of the child standard includes some specific factors for the court to consider, but it’s purposely vague to allow the court to factor in a wide variety of facts and circumstances. While some areas of family law, like major changes to parenting time schedules and restrictions on parenting time, are governed by other more specific standards, the majority of issues are determined according to the purposely vague best interests of the children standard.
For issues that don’t directly involve children, like maintenance and division of assets and debts, the court is guided by an overarching goal of equity, with the help of statutory calculations/guidelines for maintenance and child support.
When considering if a proposal is fair or how to resolve open issues in general, and certainly when making your case before the court, it’s critical to know what standard and factors the court will be relying on when deciding the issue. As well as what facts/arguments the court will and won’t find compelling. Focusing on facts and evidence that don’t go to any relevant factor under the law can easily prevent any amicable agreement, waste your time and effort in the case, and leave you feeling unheard at a hearing. The first step in any family law case is to discuss the facts and the law with an attorney, or extensively research the law if you are representing yourself in the case. For thoughts on where to find affordable help with family law issues in Colorado, see my article here: https://www.dillielaw.com/blog/family-law-where-to-find-affordable-help-in-colorado/.
2. Think logically instead of emotionally and pick your battles.
There’s no way to avoid emotion when working through a family law proceeding, but an inability to recognize and move beyond those emotions will complicate the case, create unnecessary conflict, and will do grave damage to your ability to co-parent. Parties that are able to recognize their emotional responses and rely on a more leveled and logical approach to resolving family law issues are generally able to resolve those issues more quickly, more amicably, and more satisfactorily than parties who let their emotions take the reigns.
Of course, there are instances where taking a logical approach still won’t result in an amicable agreement and the courts will need to settle the issue, but those instances should be the result of you taking well reasoned and logical positions supported by the facts and the law, not based on an emotional response to the situation.
3. Stay focused on what’s most important – the children.
Unfortunately children can become the unintentional victims in dissolution and other family law proceedings when they are drawn into conflict between the parents. Research in the area of Adverse Childhood Experiences (or ACEs) indicates that conflict between parents during family law proceedings can impact the child’s long term health and wellbeing. According to the Center for Disease Control, studies have linked childhood trauma, including experiencing instability at home due to parental separation, to “long lasting, negative effects on health, well-being, as well as life opportunities such as education and job potential.” More information about Adverse Childhood Experiences and the impacts they can have on children throughout life can be found at the CDC’s website, here: https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/aces/index.html.
Because of the impact a family law proceeding can have on children, the court expects the parents to handle the situation maturely by limiting conflict and shielding the children as much as possible from any unavoidable conflict.
Beyond the findings in the ACEs studies, remaining focused on the children will keep you in line with the statutes that guide the courts and will potentially limit conflict with your ex, who will ideally be taking the same approach.
4. Listen to your attorney.
A man who represents himself has a fool for a client… A man who pays for legal advice but doesn’t heed it is even more of a fool.
Experienced family law attorneys know and understand the laws and rules that the court will apply in the wide range of circumstances within family law and, to the 1st point above, can help you understand how those laws would be applied to your situation. Further, as an outside professional who has no history with either party and isn’t personally involved in the situation, a family law attorney won’t have the same emotional connection to the situation and can more easily separate an emotional reaction from a logical reaction, as discussed in the 2nd point above. Lastly, experienced family law attorneys have worked with numerous judges and other attorneys, and have seen a wide range of situations over the course of their careers. All of that past experience and knowledge allows an experienced family law attorney to have a better idea of how best to proceed given your specific circumstances.
It may seem like common sense, but one sure-fire way to come out of a family law proceeding with a disappointing or upsetting outcome is to hire an attorney but not listen to their advice. It’s a well-known adage that a man who represents himself has a fool for a client. I would argue that a man who pays for legal advice but doesn’t heed it is even more of a fool.
Keep in mind these four tips to help you navigate the family law process as quickly, amicably, and easily as possible. If you have any questions or would like to discuss anything you read in this or any other article, feel free to contact me directly at DillieLawOffice@gmail.com or (720) 507-3105.